SMS Jokes, SMS Messages like Funny SMS Jokes, Mobile SMS jokes, Hindi SMS jokes, English SMS jokes, Text SMS Jokes, Love SMS jokes, Marriage SMS jokes, Adult SMS jokes, Dirty SMS jokes, Cool SMS jokes, Email SMS Jokes, Birthday SMS Jokes, Sweet SMS Jokes, Short SMS Jokes, Online Text Messages, Text funny messages, Text love message, Send text messages, online text messaging, Text SMS Messages, Funny SMS Messages, Sweet SMS Messages
Employee:Boss aap shaadi-shuda logo ko hi naukri kyon dete ho?
Boss:kyonki unhe pehle se hi gaaliya khane ki aadat hoti hai.
Sir:Tom,Wht wud happen if there is a 3rd World War?
Tom:Tht wud be Terrible!
Sir:Y?
Tom:There vl be Another Chapter in our History
Read more...
Question: Define a boss?
Ans: An idiot who thinks that nine women can produce a child in one month . . . . .
Read more...
Boy: mein 18 year ka hu aur tum?
Girl: mein bhi 18 year ki hu
Boy: to phir chale?
Girl: kaha?
?
Boy: Dalne.....
VOTE...
Read more...
Girl: Main tumhare liye sb kuch chhod dungi
Boy: Parents
Girl: yes
Boy: friends
Girl: yes
Boy: Star Plus?
Girl: Muh sambhal k bat kar KUTTE.
2 sardar sending sms their GF
1st sardar:Mai tere mobile se teri G.F ko sms bheju?
2nd:no
1st:Why?
2nd:usne handwriting pehchan li to?
GirlFriend R Like Internet Virus
She Enter In Ur Life
-Scan Ur Pocket
-Edit Ur Mind
-Download Her Problems
-Delete Ur Smile & HANG Ur Life
Best Merry Christmas SMS Wishes Messages - Happy Xmas SMS GreetingsChristmas is an ideal time to expressLove and good wishes for those we care!!Here is my wish for you on ChristmasMay you have the best of Christmas this year and all your dreams come true.Merry Christmas
Read more...Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aalo
lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya:-(
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- a
to behan kuch or paka lo:-)
Tofani barish mein rat ko,
shop per 1 admi pizza lenay aaya
SHOPKEEPER: Aap married hein?
Admin:Is tofani barish mein kia
meri maa mujhey pizza lenay bhejay gi?
Wife:
Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay,
Main aap ko save karti,
Husband:
Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti,
Main her haftay tumhe change karta
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 1.O bunty k pappa
Yr 1.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 1.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest
and pease so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor:They are for you.!!
Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!
Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai
Wife:Suna he k jannat me husband
k sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete
HUSBAND! sahi suna he,
Wife: aisa kion?
Husband: Arey pagli isi liye to
usey jannat kehte hain..
Dosti Karo College wali se,
Dosti karo college wali se,
Ishq larao office wali se,
Flirt karo pros wali se,
Pyar karo dilwali se,
ankh larao sali se,
……..aur maar khao ger wali se…
Teacher To Santa: Translate this sentence in english, “mein aam aadmi nahi hoon”.
Santa: I am not a mango man.
Vacancy in my heart for a true friend
Eligibility: Loving & Caring,Duty:
To luv,Experience: Not required,Salary:
Never ending luv,
Joining: ASAP,
Aap ek Mobile
ki tarah ho,Khwab mein atey ho SMS ki tarah,
Dil mein bas jatay ho Ring Tone ki tarah
Mohabbat aapki hai Network ki tarah,
Hum ko bhool na jaana Balance ki tarah
You are as sweet as Bailey,
As strong as Tequila,
As warm as Cognac,
As exotic as Malibu,
As heady as a cocktail &
As special as Champagne.
I’m simply drunk on U.
Kismat pe na chalta hai zor kisika,
Dekha unke haath mein haath kisi aur ka,
Bas woh rahe khush hamesha,
Chahe ho unke pass saath kisi aur ka.
A = Aytibar
B = Bharoosa
C = Chahat
D = Dosti
E = Enayat
F = FeslaaG = Gham
H = Hamdam
I = Intezaar
J = Justuju
K = Khayal
L = Lamhye
M = Muhabat
N = Narazgi
O = Omeed
P = Piyar
Q = Aismat
R = Rishtye
S = Samjhota
T = Tamanna
U = Udasiyan
V = Birasat
W = Wada
X = Xcuse
Y = Yaden
Z = Zindagi
Zindagi inhi nammon ka 1 naam haiYehi hai zindagi.
From Home to home, and heart to heart,
from one place to another.
The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity. To every child,
a good example. To yourself, respect."
For thy lord your God had made it possible for u to see the month of December!
So shall all impossibility in your will be possible! Wishing u merry x-mas!!
In this X-mas, In the daytime if sun shin so shall Ur espectation come true,
At night when moon comes out so shall U recieve blesses,
then if rain fall so shall it going to carry all ur problem away from U!
Happy X-Mas!
I wish U Lovely X-mas I wish U Favorable
" I wish U Enjoyable " U shall not Lack in this
X-mas thy Lord shall provide to U! Merry X-Mas.
Aaj se theek 5 din baad Christmas Day..
Aaj se theek 11 din baad New Year..
Bolo tumhe kya wish karun?
Chalo DONO aik saath kar deta hoon.
But! I think I must be first one who wished
you like this. **Happy Christmas Day.... ....Happy New Year******
Chritmas ka yeh pyara tyohaar
jeevan mein laye khushiyan apaar,
santa clause aaye aapke dwar,
subhkamna hamari kare sweekar. Merry Christmas.
Christmas sms in bengali Devdoot
banke koi aayega Saari tammanaye
tumhari poori kar jayegaChristmas
k iss khush din pe Dher sare tohfe
aur khushiyan de jayega.. Christmas mubarak
Chritmas ka yeh pyara tyohaar
jeevan mein laye khushiyan apaar,
santa clause aaye aapke dwar,
subhkamna hamari kare sweekar.
Merry Christmas.
GIRLFRIEND is like “PANIPURI” always tasty,
LOVER is like PIZZA hot n spicy,
WIFE is like VARAN BHAAT no other option but good for Health.
Yeh pyaar bhi ajib cheez hoti hai.
Maa se ho to - MAMTA.
Baap se ho to - KARTAVYA.
Bhai se ho to - DHARM.
Behn se ho to - FARZ.
Aur Biwi se ho to
.
.
Sonu
Monu
Chhotu
Pappu…
Advantages of a House Wife:
1. No charges on washing, pressing of clothes, polishing of shoes
2. No TIP n Cooking n Serving charges
3. House hold safety n No need for servants
Conclusion:
U CAN SAVE UPTO 17-18 THOUSAND EVERY MONTH IF U OCCUPY A PURE HOUSE WIFE
Girl: Main tere liye sab kuch chhod dungi.
Boy:Maa baap
Girl:Yes
Boy:Bhai behan
Girl:Yes
Boy:Khana peena
Girl:Yes
Boy:Star plus
Girl: Muh sambhal ke baat kar !!
Son: Dad 5+5, how much?
Dad: You fool, You don’t know this, go and get a calculator.
Wives r incoming calls,
Lovers r outgoing calls,
Aunties r Toll-free calls,
Call girls r Roaming calls,
Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.
Plumber:- Sir pipe naya laga dia hai aur bill Rs.700/- ho gaya.
Engineer:- Are itna tu main engineer ho ke bhi nahin kamata
Plumber:- Main bhi nahi kamata tha jab engineer tha!!
Wife to husband:- Tum bahar jate ho toh hamesha darr laga rehta hai
Husband:- Don’t worry jaldi aajaunga.
Wife:- Tumhari issi baat ka toh darr laga rehta hai
Teri aankhe jhuki jhuki
Tera chehra khila khila
Jab tere chehre par haath ghumaya
Toh aadha kilo fair & lovely mila.
A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time :
Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
Santa soote waqt
Do glass rakhte hai,
Ek mein paani sur ek
Khaali why?
Socho?
Kyunki pyas lag bhi sakti
Hai aur nahi bhi.
Girl: I love u.
Boy: Me too.
Girl: Kitna karte ho.
Boy: Jitna tum mujhe karti ho.
Girl: Kamine, main sochti thi ki tum sachha pyaar karte ho!
Din mein chain nahi,
Raat ko neend nahi,
Ji na lage kahi.
Khuda, kya yehi pyaar hai?
Khuda bole: Nahi beta, Commerce ke students ka
Yehi haal hai
SMS kya hai
SMS kya hai
SMS kya hai
SMS kya hai
SMS kya hai
SMS kya hai apko nahii pata khai haii SMS matlab
SMS Means
S-Saras
M-Majana
S-SMS
Prove that:
Juice = Soap
Take Newton’s 2nd Law
F = Ma
Multi ‘a’ With Both Sides
Fa = Maa
‘Fa’ Is a Soap & ‘Maa’ Is a Juice!
Las Vegas $500
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"
Blackjack Dealer
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?"
The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" ... "Yes."
"Well then, he serves you food; I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me."
"Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight!"
Luck in Las Vegas
Ned was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars.
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Ned went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."
"You're not the one I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who left the door open!"
Smith and Jones
Two friends, Smith and Jones, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go set on the bench and wait for the other to finish. Jones quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, he saw Smith coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins.
"Hey, Jones," said Smith, "how'd you do?" "Well, Smith", said Jones, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Smith, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you-you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
Read more...All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi.
They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.
They decided to rest for the night and start the next day.
The next day the story repeated itself.
The taxi just wouldn't move.
They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.
WHY?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u an eye specialist !!
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide
Roz roz ka drama nahi
2009 is coming
Wish u a very
Happy new year
Valentine’s day
Basant
23rd march
14 august
Eid ul fitr
Eid ul azha
Friendship day
Mother, father
Dadi, dada
Nana, nani
Children’s day
Happy b’day
365 good mornings
After noons, evenings’
& nights
Roz roz ka drama nahi
Hota mujh se
Ab pura saal mat kehna
SMS nahi kia
Ruth Kar TuM Mujhe Bhulane Lage,
Itne Dur Hue Ki Bahut Yaad Aane Lage.
Kaise Bhula Dun Main TuMhe Ek PalMe
Jab TuMhe Pane Me Mujhe ZaMane Lage…
Har phool ki ajab kahani hai,
Chup rehna bhi pyar ki nishani hai,
Kahin koi zakhm nahi phir bhi kyun dard ka ehsas hai,
Lagta hai dil ka ek tukda aaj bhi uske paas hai…….
Na Jeene ki khushi hai na marne ka gum,
Gam hai to unse na milne ka,
Jette hai is aaas par kabhi wo hamare kehlaynge,
marte nahi isliye ki wo akele rah jayenge
unkliye jab humne bhatkna chhod diya,
yad me unki jab tdpna chhod diya,
wo roye bahot akar tab humare pas,
jab humare dil ne dhadkna chhod diya
hum jal kar v roshni failate rahe,
isliye log hume jalate rahe,
mere jalne ko kisi ne dekha hi nahi,
meri roshni pe sab mushkurate rahe.
Rangne Wale Rang Se Tasveer Badal Dete Hai,
Dost Doston Ke Hathon Ki Lakeer Badal Dete Hai,
Tumse Mere Aansu Na Badle Gaye,
Badalnewale To Taqdeer Badal Dete Hai…
Ek mandir tha
jisme buri niyat wale gayab ho jate
the.
Salman Khan gaya-
Salman gayab,
Aamir
gaya-
Aamir gayab,
MALLIKA SHERAVAT gayi
Bhagwan
aajkal maanav bahut vikas kar raha hai,
baap gabbar ka to
beta dharmendra k role ka abhyas kar raha hai.
1 din hamare padosi film dekhne gaye sholey,ghar aake apni biwi se bole,basanti jara 1 2 thumke hame b dikha de,unka beta b film dekh k aaya tha,usne dharmendra ka role nibhaya aur apni ma ki taraf ungli kar bola,basanti mat nachna is kutte k aange
Gayab!!!
A Smile Is The Lighting System Of The Face,
Cooling System Of Head And
Healing System Of Heart.
So Keep Smiling All Day.
Have A Nice Day!!!
Troubles r like washing machine,
They twist, turn & knock us around,
but in the end we come out brighter than before…
Have a nice day!
I have no yesterdays,
Time took them away,
Tomorrow may not be mine,
But I have Today
So wish you my friend a very good day…
Pyar Ki Shayari ex-girlfriend k liye
Aapse milne ki tammana he.
Miti si boli ko sun-na he.
Lambi drive pe car me sang chalna he
Halke se galonko chumna he..
Aur bahut kuch chahta ye nandan dil, par hakikat yahi he ke isko aab sirf jalna he………
Main Tumhare Gam Me Pita Gaya (Kept Drinking)
Pita Gaya
Pita Gaya,
Pita Gaya,
Pita Gaya,
Pita Gaya,
Pita Gaya,
Kya Kare
Bada Thumbs Up Khatam Hi Nahi Hota…
Arz Kiya Hai:
Aaj Kal Aapke Sms Aana Band Hai,
Aajkal Aapke Sms Aana Bandh Hai,
Khafa Ho Humse Ya Balance Kam Hai!!!
Gandhiji Bhi Chale Gaye,
Nehruji Bhi Chale Gaye,
Bhagat Sing Bhi Nahi Rahe,
Meri Bhi Tabiyat Thik Nahi Rehti Hai
Pata Nahi Is Desh Ka Kya Hoga…
Love Is Blind,
Love Is A Truth,
Love Is A Fly,
Abbe Kayko Dimag Ka Dahi Kar Rela Hai?
Pyar Patang Hai Jo Hawame Udti Hai Aur Katti Hai
Aap sochte honge ki hamari
aur se aanewale sms ka
silsila kab khatam hoga?
Janab, ye to EKTA KAPUR
ke serial jaisa hai...
CHALTE RAHENGE
Mere din fir se SANVAAR de
bas ek bar fir SENSEX sudhar de
tute INDEX ko sajana he
MARGIN k paise se firse ashiyana banana he. :-)
Judge:is sardar k dono kan kat do!
Sardar:nahi mei andha ho jaunga!
Judge:bewkuf kan katne se andha kaise hoga
S:mei chasma kaise pehnunga
LoveRatri Comment:
Koi fail hota hai,
to koi pass hota hai,
magar'Girl Friend'usiko milti he Jiske pas NAVRATARI ka 'Extra Pass' hota he.
Unki ankho se kash koi isara to hota
kuch mere jine ka sahara to hota
tod dete hum rasm jamane ki
ek bar hi sahi usne pukara to hota
wo chum le 1 bar to ati nahi neend
unki methi awaz se rat jati he beet
isliye kehte he yaaro ye risk na uthao
KACHUA JALAO MACHHAR BHAGAO
Baith Kar Unki Zulfon K Saye Me
Swarg Jesa Anand Aaya
wah wah..
Fir?
Biwi Ne Dekh Liya or
Shaam Ko Hospital Me Hi Hosh aya
Girl:Tum Hafte Mei Kitni Bar Shave Karte Ho?
Boy:Hafte Me Nahi
Din Me 30 Se 40 Bar
Girl:Kya,Tum Pagal Ho?
Boy:Nahi re
Me Hajam hu.
Sardar: should I buy tickets to my children
Conductor: yes only if they are above 8
Sardar: Thank god I have only 6 children..
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
Divorce :
Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Numeric
:-0 hbtu 0-:happy birthday to you
@WRK At work
2bctnd to be continued.
2d4to die for
2g4uto good for you
2Ht2HndlToo hot to handle.
2l8too late
2WIMCTo whom it may concern
4eforever
4yeo for your eyes only
A
AAM As a matter of fact.
AB Ah Bless!
ADctd2uv Addicted to Love
AFAIK As far as I know
AKA Also known as
ALlWanIsU All I want is You
AML All my love
ASAP As soon as possible
ATB All the best
ATW At the weekend
AWHFY Are we having fun yet
B
B4 Before
BBFN Bye Bye for now.
BBS Be back soon
BBSD Be back soon darling
BCNU Be seein' you
BF Boy Friend
BGWM Be gentle with me (please)
BRB Be right back
BTW By the way
C
Cld9? Cloud 9?
Cm Call me
Cu See you
CUIMD See you in my dreams
Cul See you later
CUL8R See you later
D
Dk Don't know
Dur? Do you remember
E
E2eg Ear to ear grin
EOD End of discussion
EOL End of lecture
F
F? Friends
F2F face to face
F2T Free to talk
FITB Fill in the Blank
FYEO For your eyes only.
FYA For your amusement
FYI For your information
G
GF Girlfirend.
GG Good Game
GMeSumLuvin Give me some lovin’!
Gr8 Great
GSOH Good Salary, Own Home
GTSY Glad to see you
H
h2cus Hope to see you soon
H8 Hate
HAGN Have a good night
HAND Have a nice day
HldMeCls Hold me close
Ht4U Hot for You
H&K Hugs and Kisses
I
IDK I dont know
IGotUBabe Ive got you Babe
IIRC If I recall correctly
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMI I mean it
ILU I love You
IMBLuv It must be Love
IOW In other words...
IOU I owe you
IUSS If you say so
J
J4F just for fun
JFK Just for kicks
JstCllMe Just call Me
K
KC keep cool
KHUF know how you feel
KIT Keep in touch
KOTC Kiss on the cheek
KOTL Kiss on the lips
L
L8 Late
L8r Later
Lol laughing out loud
LTNC Long time no see
LtsGt2gthr Lets get together
M
M$ULkeCrZ Miss you like Crazy!
M8 mate
MC merry Christmas
MGB May God Bless
Mob Mobile
MYOB Mind your own Business
N
NA No access
NC No comment
NE Any
NE1 Anyone
No1 No-One
NWO No way out
O
O4U only for you
OIC Oh, I see.
OTOH On the other hand
P
PCM Please call me
PPL People
Q
QT Cutie
R
R Are
RMB Ring my Bell
ROTFL Roll on the floor laughing
RU? Are you?
RUOK? Are you Ok?
S
SC Stay cool
SETE Smiling Ear to Ear
SO Significant Other
SOL sooner or later
SME1 Some One
SRY Sorry
SWALK Sent with a loving Kiss
SWG Scientific Wild Guess
T
T+ Think positive
T2ul Talk to you later
TDTU Totally devoted to you
Thx Thanks
T2Go Time to Go
TIC Tounge in Cheek
TMIY Take me Im yours
TTFN Ta ta for now.
U
U You
UR Y ou are
URT1 Your are the one
V
VRI Very
W
W4u Waiting for you
WAN2 Want to
WLUMRyMe Will you marry Me?
WRT With respect to
WUWH Wish you were here
X
X! Typical Woman
X Kiss
XclusvlyUrs Exclusively Yours
Y
Y! Typical Man
YBS You’ll be Sorry
Z
An engineering student to his sweeper brother:
"mere paas degree hai, knowledge hai,
4 logon mein baithne ki izzat hai. Tere paas kya hai?".
Sweeper: Mere paas naukri hai
A father asks peon: How are the studies in this college?
Where do I see my son in future?
Peon: The future is bright,
I had also completed my engineering from the same college!
Harbhajan starts raising his bat on 33 runs.
Dravid: What happened, its not 50 or 100!
Harbhajan: Yes, but the students understand the importance of scoring 33.
My nights are going sleepless, my days are going useless.
So I asked GOD, "is this love?". GOD replied, "no dear, result is near".
To be a "Good professional",
always start to study late for "Exams".
Because it teaches how to manage
"Time" and tackle "Emergencies"!!
Human brain is the most outstanding object in world.
It functions 24hrs a day, 365days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
Burraaah......
Sara syllabus padh liya...
Bas books aur notes padhne reh gaye hain...
Close your Eyes,
Relax your Body,
And stop your Breathing as long as you can...
NOW BREATH......
I Miss you as much as YOU MISSED THE AIR
In The Flower My Rose Is You,
In The Diamond My Kohinoor Is You,
In The Sky My Moon Is You,
I'm Only Body My Heart Is You,
That's Why I Always MISS YOU
I MISS YOU in every beats of heart,
In every blink of my eyes,
In every second of Time and...
In every moment of the Day
A B
C D
E F
G H
I J
K L
M N
O P
Q R
S T
V W
X Y Z
have I missed
something?
yes..
i missed "U"
Husband: kash hamare ladki ki jagah ladka ho jata?
Wife: Chhodo ji, agar main aapke bharose rehti,
to ladki bhi nahi hoti
Daughter: Mom, kya yeh sach hai ki ladke jahan apna l*nd dalte hain,
bachha wahin se nikalta hai?
Mom: Haan.
Daughter: Oh my god!
To kya mera bachha mere muh se niklega?
A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?
Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara.
Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja.
Jad aapji da janam hoya te tusi nange si te cheekan maar rahe si,
te hun jad tusi nange hunde ho te koi hor cheekan marda hai.
Sab time-time di gal hai!
A Short thing
It gets Longer
when U hold it
N pass between
women Breasts
N enters into
A hole
What is it?
1 min 2 think!
Car Seat Belt
U dirty mind.
He came 2 me 1 nite
explored my body
licked
sucked
swallowed
& had his fill
wen satisfied he left...
I was hurt...
F***IN MOSQUITO
U Dirty Mind
Skin meets Skin
When is that
the skin meets skin,
hair meets hair
n balls disappear..
dirty mind
its when
u BLINK UR EYES
Marriage is
like
going to a
Resturant..
U order
Your choice
from
the menu,
and then
look at the
neighbouring table and wish
"KAASH...
YE ORDER KIYA HOTA" :-
Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!
Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai
What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE -
In both case you feel "aur thoda ruk jaata to accha model milta"
How wives call their husbands in first 6 years:
1- A G
2- O G
3- SUNTE HO
4- BUNTY KE BAPU
5- MAINE KAHA SUNTE HO
6- KAHAN MAR GAYE
Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: "Your file not found"!
Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if"
Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gif
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't like your face
Par dil ke computer mein, nahin hai enough disk space
Main tumhein pyaar kyun karoon, Tum nahi ho Ash,
Phir bhi tumhe dekh kar mera, system hota hai crash
Jo sadiyon se hota aaya hai... woh repeat kar doonga
Tu naa mili to tujhe....Shift delete kar doonga
Company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain...
aur lonely hainProblem hai ki bus voh...read only hain
Shayad mere pyar ko taste... karna bhool gaye
Dil ko aisa cut kiya... ke paste karna bhool gaye
Woh samajhte hain dil tod diya to hum dead hain
Woh nahin jaante ki is dil main aur kitne thread hain
Tumhare samne hain itne sample ...kabhi hamein bhi pick karo
Hamare pyar ke icon pe....kabhi to click karo
Computer Aarti:
Om Jai Computer Baba,
Swami Jai Computer Baba
Client logon ke sankat
Tu hi door karta. !!Om!!
H1 Tune Dilaya,
US Tune Pahunchaya.
Sunnyvale Ho Ya Fremont,
"ABCD" Har Jagah Hi Paya. !!Om!!
Oracle Ho Ya Sybase,
Sabka Beda Paar Ho Jata.
Programmer Ho Ya DBA,
Koi Waapis Na Ja Pata. !!Om!!
Tujh Bin Calculation Na Howe,
Tujh Bin Program Na Howe,
Tujh Bin Kuchh Na Ho Pata,
Swaami "CORE DUMP" Nahin Jata. !!Om!!
Yeh Computer Baba Ki AartiJo Koi Nar Gata,
Uska H1 Bhi Jaldi Se"HARA PATTA" Ban Jata. !!Om!!
1) One man was standing on the top of a building, his watch fell down, but he went to take his watch only after
ten minutes-why? - His watch was ten minutes slow.
2) An actress was filling up a form to open an account in a bank. There was a column in the form where one has
to fill Marital status, "Married / single". And she wrote "Occasionally Married".
3) A man advertised in a news paper, in the matrimonial columns : "Wanted a wife". And he received hundreds of
letters and they all invariably read, "You can have mine".
4) What is the Opposite of STD - No TD.
5) Why Mosquitoes do not fly above the sea - Because Tortoise lives in the sea.
6) Why B is affected by cold - It is in between AC.
7) Two elephants went inside a sugarcane farm, one ate sugarcane but the other didn't, why is it so - The other
elephant is Diabetic.
8) A crow laid egg while it was flying but the egg didn't break, How? - It was wearing Diapers.
9) Once an hunter was chasing an elephant, the elephant ran into a forest, on the way it met its Ant friend,
Ant : Hey, why are you running?
Elephant : Hunter is chasing me.
Ant (Generously) : You come and hide behind me.
Elephant : ??!
10) An elephant was discharged from an hospital after an operation, on the way he met his friend Ant, the ant
said something to the elephant, on hearing that the elephant fainted, what was that? - It said "I only gave blood
for your operation".
11) While chatting at the beach, the lovers spoke to each other:
female : Oh! my dear, we are lovers for more than three years now.
Have you not thought about our marriage?
If I regret, will you feel bad?
male : I will discuss this matter with my wife and let you know
tomorrow.
female : [without any shock or surprise, replied calmly] You are also
married!
male : "...."
You are one of the most
CUTE persons in the world!!
Just a second,
don't misunderstand.
CUTE means:
Creating
Useless
Troubles
Everywhere..
You are equal to sixty james bond!
How??
007 * 60 = 420
Wo chand hai magar aap se pyara to nahi.
Parvane ka shama ke bin guzara to nahi.
Mere dil ne suni hai ek mithi se awaz,
Kya apne mujhe pukara toh nahi.
First the engagement ring,
then the wedding ring,
then the suffering...
Why do we all marry?
Because romance is not
the only element of life.
We should also know
horror,terror, suspense, irony,
stupidity & tragedy of LIFE.
Marriage is like going to
a restaurant your choicefrom the menu,
Andthen look at neighbour
intable n wish you”d ordered that…..
Hazaro ladkiya aati hai
hazaro jati hai
hazaro hasti hai
hazaro rulati hai
lekin mere dost sath vohi nibhati haijo
Doli me aati hai
Grooms, once you marry,
please remember that when
you have a discussionwith your future wife,
always try to get thelast two words in: “Yes dear”
Man before Marriage is like Airtel….
“Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He’s Like Hutch…
“Whereever U Go Our Network Follows.”
It’s funny when people discuss
LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It’s like asking someone,if suicide is better or being murdered
Telling a lie is
Fault 4 a little boyan
Art 4 a loveran
Accomplishment 4 a bachelor
and a Matter of survival 4 a married man
V….is for Valentine ; you are my only Valentine
A…..is for I will Always be yours
L…..is for Love at its most extreme
E…..is for Everlasting love ; Ecstatic love.
N…..is for Never-ending love
T…..is for we will Always be Together forever
I…..is for you being Intelligent and Innocent;
N….is 4 Natures naughty way of saying I luv you to
E…..is for Eternity our love is so ever lasting
Luv meanz to see someone with closed eyez,
to miss some1 in crowd,
2 find some1 in every thought,
to live 4 some1, luv some1
Even though
We don’t get to be with each other
As much as we’d like…
I wanted to let you know
In the morning… in the night…
U are on my mind… 24 x 7
Happy Valentine Day!
U r unique
U r caring &
U r the best….
N I’m d luckiest toHave U in my life!
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY MY SWEET HEART!
Hi baby u know when i say ‘i miss u’ it,
s alwayes old onefor me, but when u say ‘i love u…’
really darling it’salwayes new for me.
White-silent
Blue-cool
Red-reserved
pink-lovely
voilet-naughty
brown-isolated
orange-hot
black-smart
grey-talkative
Which colour u think suits me?
Reply soonmy valentine
Could you say where the sea ends from the shore…?
‘MY LOVE IS SAME FOR U.’ Will u be my Valentine?
Perfact love is not receiving,
t is giving and forgiving.
perfact love is not red roses on valentine day
its the rest of 364 days of knowing you love someone..
Saawan ka mausam tha
Poonam ki raat thi
Mein uske paas tha
Woh mere karib thi
Phir woh mere paas aayi
Aur thodi si ghabraayi
Jab maine uska haath pakada
Toh woh thodi si sharmaayi
Usne kaha aaj hum
Aise bandhan mein bandh jaaye
Jise duniya ki
Koi taakat na tod paaye
Meri khushi ka andaaza
Lagana mushkil tha
Par iske aage jo hua
Woh batana bhi mushkil tha
Usne mera haath
Haatho mein lekar kaha
Yeh toh janam janmo
Ka bandhan hai
Phir mujhe yaad aaya
Woh Saawan ka mausam
Woh poonam ki raat
Yeh to Raksha Bandhan hai!
Rakhi ka tyohar tha,
Rakhi bandhne ko bhai taiyar tha,
Bhai bola behna meri,
Ab toh rakhi bandh do,
Bahna boli,
Kalai peechhe karo,
Pahle rupae hazaar do
Lal gulabi rang hai jum raha sansar,
Suraj ki kirane khusiyo ki bahar,
Chand ki chandni apno ka payar,
Badhai ho apko,
—-@ Rakhi @ —- ka tayohar.
Har ladki aapke liye bekarar hai,
Har ladki ko aapka intezar hai,
Ye apka koi kamal nahi hai mere bhai,
Kuch din baad”RAKHI” ka tyohar hai.
A sardar passing through a jungle.
A churail stops him & says: Hoo hoo ha ha,main churail hoon.
Sardar: Janta hoon teri ek behan mere ghar main bhi hai!
A tourist from United States comes to visit India and he see a sardar. He asked a question to sardar:
Tourist: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small Babies!!!
Sardar sent sms to his boss:
Me sick, no work.
Boss sms back:
When I am sick I kiss my wife, try it.
2 Hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend’s name in English.
Sardar wrote: ‘Beautiful Red Underware’
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi.
Hitler says “There is no word like ‘IMPOSSIBLE’ in my dictionary”
Sardar says, Ab bolne se kya fayda.
Jab kharida tha tabhi chek karna tha…!
Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.
Santa: Yaar, mennu apni girl friend ko gift dena hai.
kya du?
Banta: Gold Ring de de!!S
anta: Oye koi badi cheej bata yaar!
Banta: To fir MRF ka Tyre de de!
Banta Sing! u get marry with Santa after my death,
Wife!, but why? He is ur no 1 enemy,
Banta!, this is only way to take revenge with santa sing.
Aplication by santa:
Dear sir,Sasriyakal, my wife is ill as there is no other husband
in the family to look after her. So please kindly grant me leave for 1 day.
Thank you.
Pappu, while filling up a form:
Dad, what should I write for mothertongue.?
Santa: Very long!
One day Santas Girlfriend asks him,
Darling, onour Engagement will you give me a RING?
Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.
Teacher: Apka beta cigarate peeta hai. Aap kabhi use puchhte nahi?
Santa: Haan, puchhta hoon, par mujhe kabhi deta hi nahi.
Umeedo ki manzil toot gayi,
Aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi,
Are tumahri bhi kya izzat reh gayi,
Jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi.
Santa falls in love with a nurse…
After much thinking,
he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I'm coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser &
superman wears it over the trouser
Sapno ke duniya mein,
Har sapna ho suhana tumhara,
Har khushi mile tumhe,
Pyaar se saje har safar tumhara,
Muskurati raho tum sada,
Hassi se bhara ho jeevan tumhara,
Sare jahan ki mohabbat mile,
Chahat se bhara ho har lamha tumhara,
Chalna har sahai raaste pe tum sada,
Aankh khule toh ho jaye khuda tumhara.
Rain of summer,
Snow of winter,
Grace of autumn,
Glory of spring,
May beauty of every season,
Give ur heart a beautiful reason 2 smile.
May god succeed u in every exams of ur life.
“Good luck”
Care for the one who shares with U,
Share with the one who knows U,
Know the one who misses U,
MISS the one who well wishes for U,
Wish u a very Good Luck!
To accomplish great things,
We must not only act,
But also dream,
Not only plan but also believe,
Best wishes for your exam.
With my
1 Heart…
2 Eyes…
5 Litre blood…
206 bones…
1.2million Red Cells…
60 trillion D.N.A.’s…
I wish U “Best of LUCK”.
00:03
00:02
00:01
00:00
(((DhuzZ)))
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
14 Aug Mubarak!
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
DON jub chahta hai
14 AUG manata hai!!!
Your validity for taking a
bath expires on this 14th August.
Kindly recharge the validity by
Taking a bath to avoid, khujli,
dandruff, maeil, and badbooo!!
Aaj main aap se apne dil ki baat kehna chahti hun
Han wohi 3 words jo aap sunna chahen
Han wohi 3 alfaz jo aap ke dil ko chulen
-
-
-
-
***HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY***
Independence a Precious gift of God.
May We Always Remain Independent.
A Very Happy Independence Day To You.
Some Like Sunday,
Some like Monday,
But i like One Day
And that is Independence Day
I have something for u
Close your eyes:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
CHEATER!!!
U didn’t close your eyes.
So nothing 4 u Except
My sincerity my love & prayers
Happy Independence Day
SHIT
s4 smart
h4 handsome
i4 intelligent
t4 tallented
i think u r a big shit
Do U want to see malika bathing press down
(Give some gap here)
U R slow she had fineshed her bath sorry try 2marrow
kya meri nak tedi hai.
ankhen mendki jesi hai.
surat se besharm lagta hoon,
pagal hoon akal nahi mujhe…
phir kise ne aisa kiyo kaha meri surat tumse milte hai………….?
3 tips to break a mirror:
1. Throw stone on mirror….
2. Take mirror and just drop it….
3. U just go and stand before the mirror & SMILE. . . .
I LOVE Uttappa (In Hindi)
I
I L
I LO
I LOV
I LOVE (I LOVE U
I LOVE Uttappa
more than 'DOSA' To kab khila rahe ho.
Love bears all things, Love believes all things,
Love hopes all things, and most precious of all,
Love endures all things. Come we love and make things happy..
Where r u? U r u not replying?
I m worried coz todays paper
I read that due 2 thunder a monkey has been severely injured.
So if u r safe, SMS me immediately.
Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order,
can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again
Log kehtay hain k khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaya hai….
“simple c baat hai, faltu kaam fursat mein hi to kiye jate hain”.
Woh raishmi balon wali,
Bhoori ankhon wali,
Komal hathon or naram pairon wali,
matakti hoi andhairay main,
tumharay paas ayegiaur dheeray sai bolegi
.
.
.
“Maiyooon”…